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Euphemisms

Americans have trouble facing the truth. So they invent a kind of soft language to protect themselves from it. […] At some stage during my life toilet paper became bathroom tissue. Sneakers became running shoes. False teeth became dental appliances. Medicine became medication. Information became directory assistance. The dump became the landfill. Car crashes became automobile accidents. Partly cloudy became partly sunny. Motels became motor lodges. House trailers became mobile homes. Used cars became previously owned transportation. Room service became guest room dining. Constipation became occasional irregularity. […] The CIA doesn’t kill anybody anymore. They neutralize people. Or they depopulate the area. The government doesn’t lie. It engages in misinformation, George Carlin, Euphemisms, Parental Advisory: Explicit Lyrics, 1990.
I used to think I was poor. Then they told me I wasn’t poor, I was needy. Then they told me it was self-defeating to think of myself as needy, I was deprived. Then they told me underpriviledged was overused, I was disadvantaged. I still don’t have a dime, but I have a great vocabulary, Jules Feiffer.

A euphemism is a generally innocuous word or expression used instead of one that may be found offensive, vulgar, sad, unpleasant or shocking. Some euphemisms are not funny at all: My daddy passed away when I was twelve, collateral damage, casualty, etc. However, I find some of them very amusing:

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